Why do we still hold on?

The “Break Up”. When our loved one left us or abandoned us, the feeling of lost sets in. But it was not that they left us that made us sad. 

Yes, we cry for days on end and we have to relive the trauma again and again, some times for years but at the end of the day, we missed them because of the way they made us feel. 

They were our Universe and we wouldn’t want any harm to come to them, we would give our arms to mend their souls and we would even give up our hearts so they could live happy and content. 

We miss them because we were hungry and they were the food that filled us. 

We hold on to them because of 4 main factors.

1) How they made us feel 

That butterfly in the stomach feeling. The glow we get when we see them after work. That shine in our smile when they show up to surprise us. That brilliance in our energy, when they are around. These are positive energies that is food for the soul. And humans, we’re hungry all the time. 

2) The security they gave us

Doesn’t it feel great when you have someone who you can rely on? You know that they’ve got your back and you could close your eyes and know for sure that they’ll be right by your side, no matter what. 

They’ll find the time to help you settle things together, they invested their time and effort into loving you and providing for you in whatever way they could. Imagine you lost all this ? 

Your World will start collapsing like sand castles by the sea.

3) The memories created 

Remember that Coldplay concert you went to, together? That Laneway festival, the Burning Man, the most epic Tomorrow Land experience. How you first met? How about that one Christmas you guys spent in Rome? Eid celebrations with the whole extended family on a bus. Conversations on a rooftop under the stars. Buying your first car or when you took out your tonsils. 

Some things happen only that one time and the memory sticks especially so when you created so many moments to remember. 

4) The Attachment

We can’t deny not having attachments to the people we love. We do because, we built a bond so tight to try to keep it together. Its human nature. It’s an instinct to forge companionship, hence relationships. 

We developed an attachment to their scent, the way they tease and joke with you, the silly things they say, their smile and laughter, the funny words you created for each other, the inside jokes, the nicknames you share , the routine of meeting them after every work shift or end of the day. We formed this attachment because they became our familiar like an old t-shirt we never want throw away. To throw them, will be like throwing away a piece of ourselves.

It’s ok to be a little open

What we lack to understand is that,  love can be found so easily again if our hearts are open. We naturally attract this goodness because our actions were sincere and it was filled with clean intentions. Our energies project outwards so people can usually sense this very discreet message our body and emotions are relaying , without us even knowing it.

Via Pintrest by Amalie McCarthy

Why is it so hard to move on?

The thing that made us want to leap off a building at 4 in the morning because they’re gone, is two things.

The WAY that they had left us and the REASON of them leaving. 

It was them that we kept dreaming and yearning for, so it will come as a shock if they voiced out a break up. That is what made us want to pull the trigger of a loaded gun. It was in the manor that they left us and the reason behind it.

There are so many reasons to why they chose to leave but most times if the reason is about us, we naturally are least likely to accept our flaws and reflect on what we did to contribute to the “ending”. You become defensive and protective of yourself. You will voice out “reasons” for your inadequacy or incompetence (a harsher way to say shortfalls), when actual fact is, we couldn’t come to terms to having someone else highlight our flaws and mistakes to us. In these years, I am yet to meet a humble man who can accept that they have flaws and are willing to work hard to improve on it. 

Practicing some grace would help with this. Learn to eat the humble pie once in a while. Everyone has flaws so just accept yours and improve on being a better person for your partner. 

Now the case is different if the reason is because of something else that’s beyond you. Maybe it’s because of a third party, maybe it’s their mother’s racial or religious preference, maybe they need to move to another state for work or study and ending it will seem like a more sensible decision than a long distance relationship, maybe they’ve become terminally ill and don’t want you to spend any more time with them to prevent future heartache or maybe they’re just an A” word and being a jerk comes second nature. Who knows? 

There literally could be so many reasons that’s beyond your control or beyond your self. 

The take away

Everyone’s path is different and just because they didn’t choose us, doesn’t make it a bad thing. Think about it. 

They knew what they wanted and they recognized what they didn’t want. And if not wanting you was a realization that they had, then so be it. It’s the same concept of when you date someone and realize that this person is not for you. 

Some may take years to realize that you’re not compatible and some may only take months or even weeks. Maybe they saw a snippet of the past and are afraid of history repeating itself, maybe there’s a bad habit that they can’t stand or have patience for, maybe you have least things in common as days go by compared to when you first courted. Whatever their reason is, we should learn how to improve on ourselves so we can be better for them or for the next relationship. And if it’s nothing to do with you being you, than just take it as your journeys together has got to end here. If you can’t fix it, embrace the ending because the ending means a new beginning somewhere else. 

I’d rather be left early in the relationship than years and years of wasting my time. It is their right at the end of the day. Your future is crafted by your own hands. That’s the beauty of free will.

Repercussions can’t be avoided for the choices we make. It’s a vicious cycle but that’s just Life. We live and learn. We can’t escape it even if we tried. 

That’s the reason why I always emphasize on doing good. Being kind. Be sincere in all your intentions. Clean. Because we have so much flaws already created by our appetency, passion, lust, appetite and bad habits, that the morality of our inner core should be at least at a neutral state or better. It’s food for your soul. 

We can’t help but to break some hearts or have our hearts broken at some point, that’s just how the cookie crumbles so to speak. So take as much time as you need to therapeutically get them out of your system. 

Cry out all the pain, go through the emotional war cos you have to start and end the process of “getting over” eventually, do what you must to ease the pain and no, death, drugs and black magic is not an option, sorry. Haha… 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *