Back to Basics

Let’s get into the stuff that we have been wanting to talk about but are afraid of being called cliche or idealistic. 

Is there such a thing as a down to earth good role model of a person out there? 

Does this mythical human creature exist amongst us? An honest, loving, truthful, caring , humble, patient , forgiving and “think about others first” kind of human.

A holistically wholesome person who carries all the good values of what a human being should aspire to be. 

This person does exist BUT you will not be able to find them if you go looking for’em. It doesn’t work that way. 

We would like to believe that we ourselves, are holistic to a certain extent,  and that we are a wholesome down to earth good human being. 

BUT we are not. 

There will always be a part of us that does not complete that circle that is suppose to connect us more with ourselves and the people and places around us. But we don’t. We naturally choose the easier way because the easier way is less daunting, familiar and not as intimidating. 

Image via Pintrest 

  1. Manners 

It’s so basic isn’t it, yet it’s the main thing that we struggle with. You would think that our parents gave all their heart and soul to teach you the right way, do the right thing, behave well. Extend a helping hand, observe and pay attention when people are talking to you, repay kindness, say “thank you” when you receive and “please” when you ask for something, but as we grow older, most of us typically (especially if your foundation is weak) has removed this basic information from the hard drive of our minds. And till this day, we just can’t fathom why this happens. 

At the end of the day, you’re adult enough to know what’s wrong and right, what’s best and how you should handle your community and circles. Why not restart your manners engine again? 

It’s never too late to start now. 

 2. Morals 

It’s not impossible but it definitely is a difficult task to fulfill when you have 3/4 (my own observation of the World) of the Earth’s population acting on things that are self fulfilling. Everyone has their own agenda. We can’t deny this, even me. 

But what we can control is not being evil by harming others. I think we can accomplish this quite easily don’t you think. 

The defintion of “harming others” in this context would be like sabotage, black mail, revenge, lying to an innocent, bullying, abuse and consciously hurting others with no rhyme or reason . If we all just stop doing this, I think we can check that box on the morals list. 

Let’s face it, nobody’s a perfect ten but the best we can do is not harbor evil traits. Right ?

       3. Respect 

Even when you’re faced with your enemies, I think the basic form of respect is just not to create a ruckus . We can’t all get along because everyone has a selfish egotistical reason on why they think they’re right so it could be a pointless battle to even begin with. Just give due respect and walk away. Easy peasy.

Basic respect is understanding that people develop different characters as they grow older, belief systems may vary, etiquette, religion and culture and experiences are usually vast. 

Even understanding that some people require a lot of personal space and some are even reserved and secretive, (which is not a good trait by the way so get rid of this trait as far and as much as possible) can affect relationships and our rapport with our network, communities and friends. 

Sure, they say you have to earn respect and that you’re not entitled for it but it really boils down to your own personal character to be able to humbly take yourself a few steps back and draw the line somewhere. 

For example, no matter how wrong your parents or teachers are, you have to draw the line on how far you’d go in the disagreement before you cross the line in showing your disrespect, especially to someone elder. It will only reflect on your own character at the end of the day on how low you are willing to go. 

If the disagreement is on the deeper side of the pool and you aren’t able to foster good relations anymore, either you simply learn to walk away, make a firm point and then be silent or agree that you have a clash of opinions and agree to disagree.

Point to note, an argument is usually based on a major misunderstanding of exchange of words used, tone of voice and    the inability to understand the other one’s genuine intentions. This could be due to the receiver’s sensitivity of being defensive, over protective, immature and having a low emotional quotient (EQ). 

Listen out on what the other person is truly trying to say to you, you’d save yourself from a major misunderstanding from too much of following the sensitivity of your heart. So don’t be paranoid or taking things to Heart. Don’t be eager to respond without truly understanding what you’re hearing. It could be a topic too close to home or something that you yourself have an issue with and you decided to respond impulsively without thinking it through.

       4. Social Common sense 

Common sense isn’t very common nowadays, unfortunately. It’s actually a rare commodity. It’s as basic as having done something wrong. Take ownership and apologize for it. 

Yup, that actually takes not only humility and integerity, but a major on the social common sense.

One extreme example is: Imagine if you lied to a girl that you’re single yet you secretly are about to be married – in an ideal scenario, you should seek for forgiveness, admit it, explain the truth of the matter and be done. 

It really is that simple. 

Yes this example does look more like an honesty and integrity issue, which it is, but the basis of it really is as simple as ABC. Oh, don’t forget the “morals” part of it too. 

Besides that one extreme example, “normal” people in normal situations, hardly admit to their mistakes. When it’s obvious that you’re wrong, go do something right to make it better. 

Make up for it in some way. You owe the person that much. Make them feel better again. Add value to your apology. 

Take responsibility for the $h!t that you conjured up. Yes, apologizing for the mistake is only common sense if you’re talking about basics.

See someone fall in front of you? Help them up. Accidentally stepped on someone’s foot in the crowded train? Apologize . See your buddy struggling to carry a load ? Freaking help him, what in God’s name are you waiting for ? An invitation ? 

A lot of day to day things does take mere common sense. Now we’re not talking about science here, it’s all about good character traits and what we chose to practice in our lives. It’s not that hard really. 

Having “social common sense” also means that you are proactive, “automatic” in responding to the World around you by using your logic and empathetic traits and that you’re socially conscious and responsible. 

Good on ya if you are. The World needs more people like you. 

5. Integrity 

Take ownership for what you have done. Like in the above extreme example of the “Hidden Groom”. 

Whatever injustice, bad deed you’ve done on purpose to hurt others, do your best to tell the Truth and make it right. 

Make your word count

Be the type of person that when people mention your name, people will be like “Aah he’s a good man or she has a big heart”, things like that. You wouldn’t want to be cursed a disaster whenever people mention your name, do you ? 

Integrity truly is the things you do when nobody’s watching. Don’t make your word, be shot to hell. 

Like if you stand a friend up (in Singaporean terms this means “buih” or “tu ah”) . Why would you do that when you can simply tell them “hey I’m sorry I can’t make it.” Or giving them the truth that you’re not really into it. People do value honesty though it may be hard to swallow. 

I don’t think it’s hard but people make it hard like as though it’s taboo to be an honest person. 

It isn’t a crime people. If you’re not gonna turn up, say so. If you’re not gonna make good with your word, say it now, if you’re late for something, just apologize. 

Other people’s time is not your entitlement by the way. So appreciate them, honor your friends.

So much can be said but in the end, we have to start practicing what we would like to see in the World. 

Like kindness, sincerity, honesty, love, integrity, loyalty, empathy, understanding, patience and so much more. 

I’m yet to accomplish certain things I’d say I’d do for some people in my life but at the least I know that I’m working on it and I’m not abandoning the idea, not one day that goes by that reminds me of the things I’ve promised and knowing me, it just takes timing to get it done but it shall be done, most definitely. 

So many factors may have affected the existence of our basics.

Our family foundation, experience and background, way we were brought up, our social environment, the culture at the workplace and our personal issues do define who we become.

It shapes what kind of a human being we grow up to be. 

What kind of human being would You like to be ? 


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